bongs, glitter pens and kung-fu.
I had the best sleepover ever last night.
Let me re-cap.
about 11pm, the doorbell rings about a billion times. I know that ring. It can only be Beth! She shows up with her little dog, Prince Henry Handsome Homo Head aka the Muslim. She enters the pad, she has a package for me! Wrapped in Spongebob paper! I open it to discover the most pricless artwork EVER. A half velvet, half paper picture of Spongebob and Patrick that she colored herself! With big pink words that says BEST FRIENDS!!!!!! we are best friends.
I was blown away by her dedication to such a complicated project. I mean for Beth.......WOW!
Let me tell you a little bit about my Bethy, and why this impresses me.
If you look up Reggae Junky Jew in Websters, you'll see Beth's angry picture! Not only is she a black belt with lethal hands of death that could punch my head straight fucking off, she also has a wicked case of that Adult ADD that's going around. She has a robot arm, and calls me swears in Hebrew while cradling her bong like a fragile premie. Hygiene is foreign to her, but the Star of David that never leaves her neck is always shiny as a wet baby's ass. And for a whitey, her dreadlocks are PRISTINE.
Back to the slumber story...
It was classic! She lives right next door to me, so that automatically makes me feel like a 3rd grader! We walk her doggy, he makes an impressive poop right in front of my door, and we trot back to her lair.
We proceed with a fashion show in her living room, and I tell her that I don't think red looks good on anybody. She gets pissed.
We pull out ALL the crafts! I'm swimming in a sea of glitter pens, construction paper, scissors, glue, gluesticks, kitten stickers, markers, scrap book shit, and glue on jewels. It was heaven. We cut and paste and colored and bitched about boys, and reminicse about trips to the crazy house, and high speed chases high on speed til it hurt to talk.
(but we're good wholesome punk rock girls now. we want to learn to knit. i swear.)
We pull off the bras, keep on the shirts, pull off the pants keep the unders, and pull off the sock, cuz they make me sick, then crawl in to Bethy's featherbed to cuddle and pass out. But Beth HATES to cuddle, so we chain-smoke and sip sodas and watch a shitty Kutcher movie till we have sweet dreams. No, SHE has sweet dreams, i have to poke her every 6 minutes to make her quit snoring. Middle night face punch is waiting for her.....but alas...i sleep through the nasal noise.
9am WAKE UP.
Beth: get outta my house, i have to be at the rapist in 10 minutes.
Me: goddamnit, i'm taking your boom box.
Beth: no you're not.
Me: watch me.
Beth: call me later
Me: no.
Beth: love you bitch
Me: whatever.
Beth: again tonight?
Me: fuck yeah! i love you bethy!
Let me re-cap.
about 11pm, the doorbell rings about a billion times. I know that ring. It can only be Beth! She shows up with her little dog, Prince Henry Handsome Homo Head aka the Muslim. She enters the pad, she has a package for me! Wrapped in Spongebob paper! I open it to discover the most pricless artwork EVER. A half velvet, half paper picture of Spongebob and Patrick that she colored herself! With big pink words that says BEST FRIENDS!!!!!! we are best friends.
I was blown away by her dedication to such a complicated project. I mean for Beth.......WOW!
Let me tell you a little bit about my Bethy, and why this impresses me.
If you look up Reggae Junky Jew in Websters, you'll see Beth's angry picture! Not only is she a black belt with lethal hands of death that could punch my head straight fucking off, she also has a wicked case of that Adult ADD that's going around. She has a robot arm, and calls me swears in Hebrew while cradling her bong like a fragile premie. Hygiene is foreign to her, but the Star of David that never leaves her neck is always shiny as a wet baby's ass. And for a whitey, her dreadlocks are PRISTINE.
Back to the slumber story...
It was classic! She lives right next door to me, so that automatically makes me feel like a 3rd grader! We walk her doggy, he makes an impressive poop right in front of my door, and we trot back to her lair.
We proceed with a fashion show in her living room, and I tell her that I don't think red looks good on anybody. She gets pissed.
We pull out ALL the crafts! I'm swimming in a sea of glitter pens, construction paper, scissors, glue, gluesticks, kitten stickers, markers, scrap book shit, and glue on jewels. It was heaven. We cut and paste and colored and bitched about boys, and reminicse about trips to the crazy house, and high speed chases high on speed til it hurt to talk.
(but we're good wholesome punk rock girls now. we want to learn to knit. i swear.)
We pull off the bras, keep on the shirts, pull off the pants keep the unders, and pull off the sock, cuz they make me sick, then crawl in to Bethy's featherbed to cuddle and pass out. But Beth HATES to cuddle, so we chain-smoke and sip sodas and watch a shitty Kutcher movie till we have sweet dreams. No, SHE has sweet dreams, i have to poke her every 6 minutes to make her quit snoring. Middle night face punch is waiting for her.....but alas...i sleep through the nasal noise.
9am WAKE UP.
Beth: get outta my house, i have to be at the rapist in 10 minutes.
Me: goddamnit, i'm taking your boom box.
Beth: no you're not.
Me: watch me.
Beth: call me later
Me: no.
Beth: love you bitch
Me: whatever.
Beth: again tonight?
Me: fuck yeah! i love you bethy!
posted by maria | 5:20 PM
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